Ownership

Mistakes.
Now that’s not something that we like to talk about or think about. When I hear the word mistake I can automatically start thinking of specific mistakes I’ve made and how I felt or how I made someone else feel. Instead of letting my mind go deep enough to analyze my mistakes I quickly change my topic of thoughts or rational the reason behind the situation.
Maybe this is human nature, maybe it’s my defense mechanism, maybe it’s something I’ve learned in society or maybe it’s simply something I need to work on. That’s it.

Regardless I heard a very simple but quality statement from a stranger who knew nothing about me today. He said “we make mistakes in life, sometimes we learn and sometimes we need a few more mistakes but what shows your character and what really matters is how you deal with those mistakes.”

I awkwardly paused and starred at him as I waiting for him to continue on or tell me how he knew I needed to hear that but instead he sat back and quietly let me soak it in. Now for one, we need more advocates of truth and not fluff and for two, thank you sir for being respectful enough to wait and let me ingrain that.

It’s not an easy thing to accept when you make a mistake but ownership is key. I have learned to take complete ownership of my mistakes and problems. It’s a humbling lesson to learn but it’s kind of like a circle comparatively to the rest of life. If you are willing to commit to ownership you are willing to and have to make sure that you’re working harder in every other aspect of life to prevent making those same mistakes. It’s amazing what simple words will do to open doors of thought and freedom to let your mind think without the feeling of an old slap on the wrist.

Tonight I sat down to rest my mind and quiet my soul and my devotion said this:
Trust Me (Christ) in the depths of your being. When you feel flustered and frazzled on the outside, do not get upset with yourself. You are only human, and the swirl of events going on all around you will feel overwhelming. Rather than scolding yourself for your humanness, remind yourself that I am both with you and within you.

Bottom line. Take ownership, devote more, learn and adjust. Trust in Him. Keep moving forward.

With every day comes new change

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I should be studying right now and I should be packing up the rest of my apartment but sometimes you have to stop your to do list and use your time to reflect and reevaluate what’s been going on and what’s coming up.

This is a very special time for me. In 3 days I have 3 tests that will be my exit to my undergrad. I couldn’t be more excited, I couldn’t be more grateful. However, packing up my apartment is what really made me realize that things are about to change and with no set in stone plan in mind, I need to mentally prepare myself.

I have a ton of life goals, bullets on the bucket list, opportunities to grow, and places that I want to see. The hardest choice is deciding which one is right for right now. For so long I have had a glorious plan set for myself and nothing or anyone was going to stop me from getting where I wanted to be. However, I’ve decided to let the only thing get in front of me be Christ. For a stubborn heart, that was an extremely hard thing to do. Currently my life is filled with blank pages and a direction TBD. I used to see this as scary place to be and I still have days where it makes me uncomfortable but I am learning minute by minute to sigh no more and be excited about the adventure that is being created for me.

I started my adventure in college at PC with the perfect plan of playing lacrosse for 4 years and becoming a successful business woman after I graduated with hopes of working for Starbucks or owning my own coffee shop. That quickly changed 2 years in and I ended up with Clemson and some of the most amazing opportunities that I had no foresight of.  If this was just a glimpse of 5 years of my life then I am excited and shouldn’t be worried for the next 20, 30 or 50 years of my life because clearly God has a vision and plan  bigger than mine.

Sometimes we believe that if our personal vision and plan is positive, well thought out, obtainable and makes us happy then we are headed towards the right path. This is not the case and the unsafest place to be is outside of God’s will no matter how often we might feel like we’re doing the right thing. There are times I battle and plead with God to PLEASE put my vision into his will and then I wonder why I do that when my vision is constrained by blinders and such narrow visions. I’m excited to let Him take the reigns and take me on an adventure that I could never imagine. My passion is deep, my love is wide, my mind is open and my ears are listening.

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Otherside

I’ll never forget when he sang this song at Bonnaroo and I was immediately emotionally connected. Not everyone knows your past and not everyone needs to know your past but it’s something that will always mold you into who you want to be or who you don’t want to be. I respect Macklemore for finding these inspired words in his soul and being daring to risk his image to spread his experience and beliefs. This song reminded me to think about things I didn’t want to think about for a long time and gave me a quick glimpse of where I could have been and where I’ve come since then. Thank God for mercy and grace.

Final Laps

Wow, it’s been almost two months since I posted and it seems like I’ve only missed 2 weeks. It’s really not possible to realize how fast life moves the older you get. Life doesn’t stop for anything and time will pass you by ready or not. Since I posted last I’ve been to NYC, started a new year, began my last semester of college and am preparing for my trip to Seattle. 

I heard a quote a few years back that said “When you’re almost to your goal is when it’s easiest to give up.” That thought never made sense to me because naturally why would you work so hard to give something up? However, I’ve realized the hardest part about reaching your goal is the last bit with the finish line in sight. Some people who run will slow down when they see the finish line and coast on in and some people will pick up the pace and finish the race with all endurance and no excuses. I finally understood this quote once 2013 rolled around. I started to  think that with the finish line in sight I could coast on in and enjoy the ride. Reality quickly jolted my perspective and I’ve never pushed harder or had to find that endurance deeper in me than ever before. I’ve had to make radical choices and mindsets to keep this and I’ll be getting to my finish line with all anticipation of giving it my all and breaking records. 

Four weeks exactly from yesterday marks the day I’ll be landing in Seattle. To everyone but me this is just a trip out to Seattle for spring break, just a fun adventure. To me it’s everything about my future and I am building so much anxiety and anticipation because it will determine a lot of my options. For a few years now I’ve had Seattle on my heart and then it made it’s way to my mind and now it’s making way to my every day and my actions. This is a vision trip for me. Will I like Seattle? Will I like “all of the rain and gloomy weather,” can I handle it? What are the people like? Are the opportunities realistic and attainable? Is this where my heart feels at home? All of these questions are floating around my head and need to be answered. If Seattle isn’t for me then what is the next step? What are the options when I come home? These are all questions that God has answered ahead of me but this is the path that He has given me to find the answers myself. SO ECSTATIC to figure it all out. Day by day. 

Hiking. Coffee. Mountains. Water. New faces? Sign me up, please. 

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Circle of Life

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“You may loose the small ones, but win the big ones.”

It’s been a while .. and there’s been a lot going on. Exams are over, Christmas is here, a new year is about to begin. I’ve never been so ready for a new year to begin; a fresh start.

Life is a vicious cycle and if you’re not ready to fight back you can end up loosing out on a lot. The saying “the grass is always greener on the other side,” has never been so true and so wrong at the same time in my eyes. I want something really bad and when I get it, it’s not what I had hoped for. Someone likes you, you don’t like them back and the person you like doesn’t have the same feelings for you either. You wait in anticipation for one thing to change your happiness and it ends up leaving you wanting more or the absolutely opposite. With this mindset and these cravings it absolutely steals our happiness and our joy. I’m one to speak because I’ve always been know as “the one who can’t think about now and only sees the future,” as mama says. I love to think of a life I can create and a life that I strive for. My stubborn mind daily forgets that life changes constantly and nothing ever goes as planned. I’ve learned this lesson to the core over the past year and although it’s been an incredible scary roller-coaster, I’m so thankful I decided to hop on the ride. I’ve made amazing relationships, lost some, adventured new things, got rid of some things, made new goals, accomplished others ..this year was full of learning. I think 2013 holds a bright future for me because mama’s words have finally set in of “live in the moment, cherish where you are, who you’re with and what you have.” There are so many options that lie ahead, so many opportunities that have yet to unravel, so many adventured ready to be barked upon and so many souls and faces I have yet to meet. The slower I take it, the more I enjoy it, the more I learn, the less I get burned. A friend told me the other day “things that come into life fast, often leave fast,” and often you don’t let your mind think like that but you should. Always hold your guard but be willing to let someone or something chip away at that guard to get to your core.

Why are memories so precious to us? Why do we hold on to the good memories more than the bad memories? We don’t soak them in enough as they are happening and once they’re gone we keep replaying them in our mind over and over again until they become our memories. If that wasn’t true, they would just be moments in time. My objective for my life (not just this year) is to really try and grasp the meaning of “seize the moment” and root the reason why my moments have become sweet memories.

Love is a beautiful outlet. Friendships are essential. Family is core. Relationships are development. Passion and pride are igniting. Capture all of these this year, seize the moment, slow your pace down and enjoy the good life.